A word or two about spirituality, just because I stumbled upon the topic somewhere on the Kendig.org Cavalcade of Fun. Bill's heard this crap before, and I'm sure he'll notice the edits...
I am not a religious person. I have some very big issues with organized religions, but that hairy-ass debate can wait until I run for president in 2012. If anything I'm Jewish, but very half-assed at that. I had a bar mitzvah but my mom is not Jewish, so I'm stuck in this odd little gray area as far as Lordy Lord is concerned. If I've had a few with Scott and in a Metal Mood I might be tempted to say rock and roll is my religion and my law, but, darn it, that's just so...well...Ozzy.
I "believe in" my god, who doesn't give two turds about much of anything except me and my interests. He would never compel me to stomp around saying that he's better than anyone else's gods (although he makes fun of them a lot...) which rules out flying airplanes into buildings. The sumbitch can't even drive a stick.
He and Allah go bowling together sometimes and just giggle like loons at us all. A little secret; Allah hates Osama bin Laden, and thinks he should yank the big weed out of his cornhole, have a nice Guiness or twelve, put down the AK-47, and calm the fuck down.
War in my god's name is utterly out of the question because of crippling budget cuts. He would love to see Eminem and Lenny Kravitz strapped to a barge, shoved out to sea, and then nuked.
I think he's a Pisces and he loves sushi.
He sure does get a kick out of watching people make stupid mistakes and telling me about them so I don't repeat them, and he laughed his fucking hiney off when I announced I was going to law school: "Fine, kid. Go ahead... I'll hold your guitar for you."
Above all, my god never lets me forget that the complete totality of human perception, understanding, and accomplishment is pretty damn small. He keeps reminding me of all those creatures at the bottom of the ocean that don't even know there's such a thing as light, simply because they don't have eyes. Who needs eyes if there's no light? Consenquently, I derive enormous pleasure thinking about all the shit we don't or can't know about just because neither human physiology nor our handy little gadgets can detect it all.
The thing I like most about my god? He has "blessed" (HA!) me with the desire to keep him to my damn self. Selfishness in the holy extreme. I won't share. He's mine, and you can't have him. Why? Because he doesn't care a rat's ass about you. I do, my dear friends, but he sure don't. I sure do like the idea of the world being a better place if everyone would just keep their gods to themselves. Whaddaya think?
This nonsense brought to you by the fine folks at Bill's Idol Hut, home of the 2-for-1 salt pillars. Audio hopefully coming soon...
-e